standard Guilt, Depression and Suicide 

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A man looks up at a fifteen-story building; he admires the detail that was put into the building. From the windows to the elevation of the building, the architecture is worthy he thinks to himself. He goes into the lobby of the building, and walks straight to the receptionists desk. She greets him with a smile and he smiled back. “I would like a room specifically on the 8th floor or any above that he says; he walks away from the desk with the receptionist thinking to herself what a swell guy.

As he steps into the elevator, the doors open to the boring music elevators usually play. The seamless travel seemed to take long; he subconsciously tapped his feet to the music. On the fifth floor, a couple enters the elevator; he looked up meeting their faces with a smile.

He opened and entered his room; he sits down on the bed facing the window. What a hectic day, he says under his breath. His thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door, room service the voice on the other side yelled out. The young man entered the room, setting a tray with different dishes on a table close to the bed. The young man went out of the room with the biggest tip he had ever received. The man with the smile took out a piece of paper and scribbled some words on it, he scratched his head to aid him remember some detail he was forgetting. When he was done scribbling he started eating, the food melted in his mouth releasing a variety of flavors, it was delicious.

He opened the window and was rewarded with a cool breeze. It was a mystery how he felt lighter when the breeze took him, it was one of those feelings he would miss.  He took a few steps backward and lay down on the bed. He stared at the ceiling for a while before closing his eyes; not to sleep but to gather strength and also to gather his thoughts. He finally stood up and hung his suit on the chair.

He goes to the window again; he puts his leg outside the window, his heart skipped a beat. Doubt and fear began to set in, “I should have taken more than a glass” he thought to himself.

But then he remembers the pain and he is strong again once more, the overwhelming feeling dulls his fear and doubt. Pain is strong. He puts his other leg outside the window and stands on the ledge where he looks down at the street. A scream rises up someone is on the ledge,” he is a modest man; he doesnt need an audience so he jumps. For the first time in a long time he feels free, all his doubts and pain leaves him.  It is forever and a life time in a second, he wishes for it to last but it doesnt. He fell rapidly and the ground welcomed him with a resounding thud, he lived.

Suicide is an occurrence that is on the rise, most times people who commit suicide like the man in the story dont show signs at least not any that can be easily recognized and understood. Suicide is the taking of ones life.

The morality of the action is not in question, but what is, is the motive behind it. What they think or feel that has helped them make up their minds that this life is no longer for them. Depression is the leading cause of suicide. Guilt, low self-esteem, bullying, stigmatization and sometimes racism might cause one to commit suicide.

Different people have different opinions on the matter; some individuals frown upon suicide others shy away from even thinking about it. Others see people who have committed suicide as coward, not having the strength to continue with life.

Many religions deem suicide to also be a sin; some beliefs even go as far as not burying or touching a corpse of one who has committed suicide. Most people who practice these religions also and see no justification for taking your life. It is easy to get a list of dos and donts, but it isnt easy to live through life upholding every commandment, everybody is not the same. Most laws have out rightly deemed suicide or euthanasia to be illegal but what punishment can be given to someone who wants to end his life. More punishment won’t change what he is feeling.

This piece is not to judge any side of the argument but to make you more sympathetic to their plights, our plights. This is for individuals who frown upon suicide seeing it as a coward’s resort.

Put yourself in their shoes, put yourself in our shoes. You are been isolated by pain, by your past experience, by the never ending depression that slowly engulfs your being. The more you try to reach out to others, the more isolated you become. The ones who pierce this veil of isolation only make you wish to be isolated the more. With the pity they shower on you and the sure attitude that everything is going to be okay. And you cant talk about it because you may be viewed as abnormal and at a point you start believing yourself to be. Just put yourself in their shoes

There is a saying that goes that you don’t know how strong you are until you have to be. In the same vein you don’t know how depressed you can get till you actually are. The ones who commit suicide are the brave ones. They stared death in the face and were not afraid to go into the light. The matter of death is shrouded in certain mysteries and uncertainties but they were not afraid. Pain is strong, so it is only makes sense that those who go through it become strong, all strength comes from pain. To stand on a ledge and decide to jump, to take a knife to your wrist, to hang from a rope, to take poison; all these are no mere feats it takes bravery and strength.

This isnt to encourage suicide but it goes to show you what people are made of, and how determined they can really get.

And for those who feel suicidal at times, think about the pain you will leave in your wake. Your loved ones will feel pain and your death might just open doors for more. The pain doesnt just leave you it transmits to others like an infection. A small stone dropped in a river will cause ripples all over that river. Your actions have consequences.

There’s no sure way to eliminate these suicidal tendencies, but we should realize that suicide is a choice and we must treat as such. Not ignoring it, or treating it as an abnormal topic. Talk to your loved ones, sometimes all they need is someone to listen. Be kind to one another, be more open to other peoples idea; be sensitive to their needs. And try as much as possible to let that guilt go.

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1 Comment

  1. Thanks for sharing this. Ya know, the Holidays are the worst time of the year for depression. Many cultures believe that if you commit suicide, you don’t go straight to heaven or hell, for that matter. You just come right back, in another life, to do it all again. Reincarnation. So, there’s no true way out of your misery but to just fight through it.

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